8 May 2017

All Wrong Now


Song lyrics and background

Tim and Tricia Hulse, who commissioned this song, said:

She’s also known as Dottie Dots and Dottie Douzle, which I’d copied from Ducks Douzle that my brother Jonny had as a child. She rucks up rugs when annoyed – what I call backwards breakdancing. She’ll eat anything as long as it’s not vegetables or fruit. She has been known to eat her whole supper leaving behind – in splendid isolation – the 3 peas we hid in her bowl.

Words

take an old song / and make it better

sittin’ pretty in leckhampton / my hair is long and curly / just like peter frampton / I’ve heard you talkin’ / you think I dunno know why / the appointed hour is coming / for a cut and blow dry / oh what a shame! / she needs a trim / oh mistress, please don’t ask him / just ignore her, Tim / go fetch my wanger / my ball and lead / please don’t make me beg now / don’t make me plead /

all wrong now, baby / it’s all wrong now

I’m Dottie Douzle / and I’m no mug / ignore my refusal / and I’ll mess up the rug / you gimme hugs / you bring out treats / and then you try to trick me / with a plate of fancy meats / I’m Dottie Dots / shaved like a lamb / unconditional release now / and feed me that ham / do you regret it? / well clearly not / I’m protesting on your sofa / like a Gloucester Old Spot

all wrong now, baby / it’s all wrong now
take an old song / and make it woo-woo

Dreams of Cairo


Song lyrics and background

Natalie Trangmar, who commissioned this song, said:

They’re both posh, slightly stroppy children. Noura is soft (Marilyn Monroe), Leila rather more snooty (Katharine Hepburn). They have excellent English accents despite their Egyptian street roots due to always having teacher owners. They have adapted to UK weather and to their long suffering friend Nero the black cat. They are living with my mum ‘auntie Norma’ while I am abroad again. This is a thank you gift for her!

Words

dear auntie Norma / aka mum / I send this song to you / it sings of Leila / of Katherine Hepburn / of long-suffering Nero, too / it sings of Noura / Marilyn Monroe / a stroll in the park with the cats / those gorgeous felines / with dreams of Cairo / those lovely, chubby ex-pats / thank you for your time / thank you for your love

Little Shit


Song lyrics and background

Jo Verrent, who commissioned this song, said:

Ember is the result of a sustained bribery operation orchestrated by our youngest Maddy who wanted a new pet. She wrote excellent campaign letters illustrating how we were shit parents to leave her alone so much and therefore she needed company and security in the form of a cat to make up for our pathetic behaviour. Ember loves opening doors. In the morning when she attacks my toes she is indeed a little shit.

Words

Ember, we love you / sweetest, best in show / ginger, brown and white / tigress of the night / why can’t you just let me doze? / it’s way too early to wake me up / just get your claws right outta my toes / just get your claws right outta my toes / your razor teeth are sinking in / you little shit I cannot win / just let me skeep / please let me sleep / just let me be / bastard / go hassle Maddy / bastard / go wake up daddy / retract your claws / bastard / go hassle Maddy / bastard / go wake up daddy / stop opening doors / clawed to death / mum gave up the ghost / but fear not Maddy / Ember loves you the most